Avoiding the Self-Centred Art Hole, and other stories.

A little wordy end-of-year update from me, an art-hermit who is trying to not be an art-hermit.

Oh time …

It’s December already! It was last year that I fully began to comprehend the concept of time passing faster the older you get. A year when you’re just 10 years old is a hefty 1/10 of the life you’ve lived, but now, for me, it’s a mere 1/31. And whilst time is speeding up and I still feel the panic of wanting to achieve so much in this ever-shortening life I have, I’m beginning to find a calmer pace, a less frenetic side to my ambitious nature, an acceptance that I will do what I can do, I will create what I create and it’s much more important to enjoy the process than to frantically tick off another achievement on my list.

And the list only gets longer. There’s a new idea, new story, new project I’d like to do every year … or more accurately every day. The list will never be completed and that’s strangely reassuring!

This seems like a somewhat bleak opener now I’ve written it, but it was meant to be positive … that we should pick to work on what brings us joy RIGHT now, because if we aren’t enjoying the process of making our art to some degree (I’m not sure it’s possible for it to be stress-free the WHOLE time) then why are we even doing it!?

Maybe this is where ADHD is good, because I just ping-pong between whatever is interesting me (bugging me) at that moment so I’m always enjoying it ahaha?

I’m talking in this context about personal-art of course, rather than work-art. I mean, if you can make your work-art joyful too, than extra hoorays. And I’ve been lucky this year, I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve worked on. EXTRA HOORAYS FOR ME. It was maybe my personal-art that brought me down if anything…

Down into the Self-Centred Art Hole

… brought me down as in falling down, not sad … well a little sad sometimes. It’s just I become hyper fixated on my ideas and therefore become a bit of a pain for those around me … Me personally, I’m normally okay - I think most artists can relate that when you’re in your creation-bubble everything feels great (even when it’s stressful) because you feel like you’re moving forward, discovering, sculpting, bringing this idea to fruition. When you talk about nothing other than your project, when you forget to eat or look after yourself, you’re okay because you’re living on this fiery passion that feels like it’s sustaining you. BUT, we don’t exist in a void, and I’ve realised this year more than ever that I have a partner, my partner’s children, my friends and family. These loved ones really care about me, so of course they care about my projects too, but they don’t want me to BECOME my project. I have to extract myself from my little self-centred art hole and remind myself that I am a human who needs to be there for other people, to be aware of life continuing around me, and not just become an intolerable hermit. Because even beyond the fact that it’s nice to be there for others and function well for their sakes, there is nothing worse than finally emerging from your art-chrysalis to find that you’re still a caterpillar and your world is on fire because you just ignored it all.

This years Art-Hole

One such art-hole, was my film “Magpie”. If you follow me on instagram you’ll have heard that I didn’t get a spot on the residency I applied to to develop my feature film - it’s the 5th no I’ve received for this project (in it’s various forms) and whilst I don’t think it’s the end of Magpie, I do think it’s time for a breather (though I said that last year). Here are a few bits from my instagram post (go check out my instagram for the full thing).

Posting a little overview on Instagram was probably not the wisest thing, as it meant I got a lot of lovely comments and messages from people wanting to find a way to help me make it a reality … it kind of relit a little fire inside me to keep it going … I can already see what I’d change. But I think it needs to rest for now … maybe I can revive it in another form in a while … I personally can see me writing it as a novel - as it’s the lyrical, narration of the natural world alongside the sinister happenings that made me fall in love with the idea and it’s more about internal horror, than external horror which lends itself to a first-person story.

And honestly, I really struggled to make art for Magpie … I can see it but I can’t draw it … so maybe I can write it?

A shallower art hole

So as I drag myself from the self-centred art hole it’s time to remember there are so many other ideas I want to develop and that it might be time for something else to take centre stage…

Yessssss, it’s also time to remember more exists than just my creative ideas as suggested would be good for me in the above section, but I can’t help myself. So I guess it’s about finding a shallower art hole so I can poke my head up every so often and say hello to the real world.

I currently have a few ideas that make for a shallower art hole (I think I’ve said hole too much now and it’s making me uncomfortable):

1. Developing my “Min” character and her story further in a graphic novel

2. A silly animal-based story that I’m not sure if it’s a middle-grade illustrated chapter book or a kids TV series, or both.

3. Animated VERY SHORT short film about a witch.

(3) Short short short & learning Moho (hopefully)

^The short short film feels fairly likely to happen … it’s something I’ve started to develop and will chip away at over the next few months. A personal project that is small enough for me to complete myself and also a chance to learn Moho, which I bought in the Black Friday sales. I’ve learnt so many invaluable skills by learning software and techniques whilst making short films in the past, that I thought it would be a good way to learn Moho. And if I can get a good handle on Moho, I think I might be able to animate my ideas sufficiently enough (not full character animation, but atmospheric holds and simple stuff) to be able to be a one-man-animation-band again and push some ideas further towards becoming real, even if they aren’t polished to a final standard, as a way to help persuade people to get on board with my ideas.

It’s just simple fact that people can trust you can do something if they can see you’ve already done (some of) it.

Let’s stop talking about dreams and hypotheticals and holes and see something real!

Yes I made this!

It’s a real poster

… like a real real poster.

Like one of those ones you actually see at a cinema advertising a film.

I made it for the movie I’ve worked on the last couple of years. The story goes that Director John saw my Art Director Mike sharing my Land Before Time poster and asked Mike who had made the poster, because they were looking for a poster artist for the movie and Mike said “It’s Izzy - as in our Izzy” and John hadn’t realised the artist was in fact me. So whilst of course I’ve got a great “in” from working on the film, I like to think it was my poster skills alone that got me this gig and it makes me very happy to think so.

Because of this I thought it was about time my website had a fancy “Poster” section so people know that I’m hireable for my posters. Here it is : POSTERS!

Real happy,

ALSO, I can’t show you but I helped out twice at Aardman this year and got to design some characters! I don’t often get the chance to do character designs so it’s been a real joy to get to flex that muscle and also I’m a huge Wallace & Gromit fan from childhood so getting to work at Aardman a bit is pretty darn cooooool.

Real relaxing,

So also in a bid to not emerge from my chrysalis to my world on fire, I decided to treat myself, but mostly my partner (who had a very tough year), to a luxury few days of relaxation.

Because of the aforementioned tough year, we had to cancel a few trips we were looking forward to, so that meant logically we had money we hadn’t spent to spend on something else. So I splurged. Like really splurged. Like Pierce-Brosnan-sat-down-beside-us-at-dinner-and-breakfast level of hotel splurging. Like “can we grab something from our car?” “no madam we’ll bring the car round for you and retrieve the item for you” splurging.

Splurging is a weird but excellent word.

DREAMS

On Monday night, I was sat by a fireplace that was decorated impeccably with Christmas decorations, in the most beautiful library in an old manor house, reading a book by candlelight and drinking a hot chocolate that was so delicious I could have melted, and I looked across at my partner Matt who was also reading and just felt like I could not have been happier if I tried *BLISS*.

It’s these moments make me utterly grateful for so many things. The one I will share here is the one that YOUR continued support of me allows. By supporting me, by sharing my work, by buying my prints, by uplifting me and making me feel like I can do this, you ALL allow me to have a career in this crazy art/animation/publishing industry. A career that not only sustains me, but allows me to once a year treat the love of my life to a much needed break from reality (a reality that has been tough on him this year). It allows me to sit by a roaring fire and read a book and feel beyond content. Thank you, thank you so much for that!

Really, THANK YOU.

I have now returned to reality (which quite frankly is great because there are only so many days I can exist surrounded by the uber-rich and the eventually stifling and uncomfortable feeling that arises when the amazing staff at such establishments do everything for you and feel the need to apologise for crossing your path and it makes you worry that the way they act reveals that guests get annoyed at them for even existing - horrifying. I hope the staff are appreciated by the other guests and get tipped wildly well by all the millionaires).

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///// SIDE BAR: I’ve been debating removing the piece about my few days away. I worry it might come across as showing off? Maybe it is? With the whole stupid art hole thing I wanted to show that I’m not always stuck in it … but I don’t know if it’s okay to show these parts of my life on a newsletter? I wanted to remind others to treat themselves if they can, to look after themselves and their loved ones, and take a break from it all. I don’t know. OVERTHIIIIINNNKKKK. GAH. Either way, I’m very aware that I am so privileged and lucky to do these things and I hope you don’t mind me sharing this part of art-life. /////

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And on that note, I hope that across this holiday season you, and the people you love, have at the very least one of those moments of feeling beyond content - you all deserve it!

x

PS. Maybe one more newsletter before the end of the year sharing my favourite things of the year from books you should read, to knitting patterns I loved. So maybe see you soooon?

PPS. Stay away from holes.